It’s 2:36am, on my lappy and I am not feeling any pint of sleep in my eyes. It’s raining heavily outside. I just went to the window to glance the most romantic atmosphere spreading cosy and lazy environment. And I am awake. This happens on occasions now a days. Daily insomnia is been replaced by seasonal once. I am wide awake with all our random thoughts travelling across my mind, I smile. Many such tales are hidden and forgotten but lived at such mid-nights.
My heart feels you around, it’s beats fast and loud so you can hear, how it is missing you. I never deny sharing my emotions. Let it be through poems, thoughts or any random comments or statements, you are always on my mind.
It’s been a year when I turned symptomatically insane for your love and you ignore. Even today, you ignore. You are not changed at all. I like it. You know what but I am a new version of my own creation, I love you still. I miss you like I did years back and do everyday. But now since you aren’t any more present in my life, since you have moved away, I can’t and don’t want to bring you back into my world. just a hope one day you’ll return. I don’t cry now. I don’t get depressed.
You know life is changed, I think of loving again. But can love happen by thinking or mere ask the brain tissues to fall in love again? I don’t think it happens. It’s not happening with me at least. I try because I am unsure about your arrival. I keep going because I am in mislead about your thoughts. I seriously wanna know what you feel afters years of ignorance? Do you already have moved on in life? Have you forgotten the craziest things we did? Have you been capable of erasing all the memories we shared? Have you achieved in your goals to vanish me forever from your life? OR do you still in love with me?
And if you do, why aren’t you showing it?
or if don’t, why can’t I see you moving on in life?
It’s you who had asked me to smile each time we cross after our break-up. I do smile when I see you. But do you do that?
Where are you? In which phase of life are you living? In which transaction are you stuck-up?
If you have, show me so I can try harder this time to love again or at least appreciated the one’s who prove to love me. And if haven’t than let me know, so I can wait for you till infinite…Yaah!!! I can do that. Only if you tell me to wait.
So just thinking if you have read our love story which I had emailed you, is now on the verge to be a book. And if you went through it, you might have noticed that their is no end to it. Last few chapters are just left blank and empty. because this is how I feel our end was. No end to our love story.??? So, what should I do, manipulate a happy end to it and start with publishing stuffs or should I wait for the end to happen happy in a real sense?
Because people say “If it’s not happy at the end, it’s not the end, nature has still few more chapters to add”
So what should I do? Write something which is not real or wait or write the new personality who proves to love me with acceptance of my past and present scenario because that person is ready to wait but have a deadline since he don’t wanna end up being one of my kind. My streets are waiting for you. Will you arrive any day, someday??? I am really confused!!!
Maybe I am being selfish asking you to return so my book can have a happy ending. But this is the way I still love you. This is the way I still image you and me hugging each other in rain at my hostel gate where you waited for me to come back from college, so you can grab me in your rugged arm, place me against your stoned heart and say, “Baby I love you and can’t move on in my life without you” and than we live together and forever like in all love stories do.
But you know what at the end, it only you whom I can love again.
Sometimes it’s good to express rather than waste each moment living in confusion and questions. I could have mailed you this but you wouldn’t have replied and left ignored. It still hurts when you leave things unanswered like you did years back. But this is the way I feel for you. I visualize you and me walking in rain pouring outside. This is the way I think about you. I am being true. This is the way I love you. This is the way I am in love with you again.